Something I’ve neglected to mention to people recently is that I have lost a key part of my life. The loss of this key was one of those “You don’t realise till it’s gone” moments in my life, of which I’ve had many. Yet this one was almost subtle in its passing, a gradual decline. My reaction to its slow removal from my life was anything but subtle. Frantic panic, pleading, bargaining, promises to do better, and the inevitable cursing (OH GOD the cursing) were all par for the course. It’s demise was inevitable, inexorably inching closer with every passing moment, reminding every one that was aware of its passing of the ultimate futility of life, how fleeting it is, and how important it is to be present in the moment.
Let’s just ignore the fact that I am here, on a Saturday night.
That small key was always lurking, a crucial part of my life. It helped in so many aspects of my life, assisted me in so many tasks. It helped me focus, yet still retained the big picture. It let me decide what I wanted to do, and yet made sure I closed those doors (not sure if this is the right phrasing, maybe windows would be better) whose rooms I hadn’t occupied in a while. Needless to say, when it left my life, I was at a loss. I searched for alternatives which would serve the same function, but somehow… It never felt the same. It doesn’t feel the same. It’s almost the same, but not quite.
The truly strange thing is, I can probably bring that key part of me, back to life. It would probably not take much out of me at all. But despite this, I don’t. Primarily because the loss of this key forced me to appreciate how short and wonderful life is. It made me realise that the beauty of life is in the moments, captured almost unexpectedly, when you aren’t ready. The death of this key made me appreciate my life, and I feel like if I were to revive it the impact of that lesson may be lost on me. So I don’t. Instead I languish with a poor replacement, dwelling on the past and forever nostalgic about the “good ol’ times.” Some may say that I’m being overindulgent, some may say that I can make myself remember the lesson even with the replacement. Truth be told, I’m not even entirely sure of my own reasons. It could be everything I’ve typed above.
Or I could just be too lazy to try and fix/replace the ALT key on my laptop keyboard.
Whatever, I’ll figure something out.