Change is Hard

It’s a Thursday, and I know I said I’d update on my progress every Sunday but that’s why the title is relevant.

The first week went alright, I was up every morning doing the workout unless it happened to be a rest day, but given the fact that one workout is every other day (Monday, Wednesday, Friday every week) and the other has every 4th day as a rest day, not many times I got to sleep in.

The trouble started only this week. And it has to do with late nights. I told myself I’d be up early every morning to complete my workout, and for the first week it was ok. This week, Sunday night I was out late, and Monday started with a bit of a hangover. I still did my workout that night, but since then it’s been not as early as it should be. Afternoon or nights. I get it done but it’s not optimal.

Hence the title of this post.

Crap, not even 2 weeks in and I’m already sensing failure.

It boils down, again, to laziness. It’s so much easier to just postpone the workout, or to stay in bed. Snooze your alarm, turn around, go back to sleep. Throw your phone out the window.

I was at a Commander’s Cohesion last Friday and struck up a conversation with a friend of mine and an amazing sprinter, Hua Qun. I told him how difficult it would be once I started work and he sympathised, but his advice was simple: Get up and do it.

That’s been tough for me this week. I’ve failed in getting off my butt and doing my workout with discipline, and I have only myself to blame.

I’m going to adopt a mantra, and I’m now commanding my inner voice(s?) to scream it at me every morning and at constant intervals throughout the day. That mantra is

Don’t be lazy Ganesh.

This isn’t meant to be easy. It’s not meant to be comfortable. And I need to stop acting like it’s ok to fail. It’s not. Yes, there’s a certain level of comfort in the fact that dude you still did the workout anyway it’s not like you completely skipped it you deserve praise for that at least, you should take it easy on yourself here have a burrito because that’s not what I promised myself.

Change is hard. You don’t always have other people to hold yourself accountable to, and at the end of the day you’re the only one that YOU always have to answer to. The temptations are everywhere. It’s easy to congratulate yourself for the small victories.

But I’m not doing that. I’m going to hold myself to a higher standard, and this time I’m going to meet those standards. I’ll fail, time and time again, and I’m going to bitch about it to myself and beat myself up, because it’s not ok to fail. But ultimately, I’m going to get back up and go again.

But ultimately, I’m going to get back up and go again.

The past 3-4 days have been tough. They’re not going to get any easier, and here’s where the mood of this post takes on a bit more of a positive note.

I finally got a job, after 8 months of searching. I signed the paperwork yesterday and I start on Monday. While I am ecstatic about the prospect of FINALLY starting work, I’m also scared by the prospect of waking up even earlier to workout, and the loss of freedom that being jobless offers.

But I’m happy, at the end of the day. Happy because I no longer have to doubt myself. Not for a while at least. Those doubts won’t ever go away completely. But at least I get a brief respite.

Getting up is going to be the hardest part of my day from now on.

But that just means I get the toughest thing out of the way the second I start my day.

So

Don’t be lazy Ganesh.

Here we go.

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